


The Taste of Fear

by still_lycoris



Category: X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) - Fandom
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Phobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 05:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik can't help waking in the night with the taste of fear in his mouth. But Magda is always there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Taste of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the hc_bingo prompt "phobias"

Erik lay in bed and told himself he wasn’t going to get up.

There was no need to get up. Everything was fine. So he wouldn’t get up. He would roll over and go back to sleep and wake up in the morning having had plenty of rest. He wasn’t going to get up. He didn’t need to get up because everything was _fine_.

Sweat was prickling on his palms and cheeks. His breath was catching in his throat, his lungs locked tight, however hard he tried to take a deep breath. He felt as though every single one of his muscles had gone rigid and his mouth was raspingly dry. He could taste something poisonous in it, something dark and thick and vile. 

Fear.

He had to focus. He had to think rationally.

_I’m not going to get up. I am not. I don’t need to get up. Everything is fine and I am not going to get up._

What if it wasn’t fine? What if he didn’t get up and something happened and it was his fault because he’d ignored his instincts? Anything could be happening out there, anything at all and he wasn’t there because he was lying in this bed, just lying here like he was on a slab and he didn’t know, he didn’t know and he couldn’t breathe, it _hurt_ to breathe ...

He shoved the blankets aside and scrambled out of the bed. He tried to walk quietly but it was hard when his legs were shaking so badly, when everything inside him was burning with fear. He automatically navigated the sparse room without needing a light, then stumbled through the hall and to the other room.

Nina was curled in her bed, sleeping peacefully, doll cuddled in her arms. Her little face was utterly peaceful. Erik slumped against the door frame, staring at her, his breath coming in soft, shuddering gasps as his lungs unlocked. She was all right. She was all right and she was safe and nothing had happened and nobody was coming to hurt her ...

A hand gently touched his shoulder and he turned to look into Magda’s gentle eyes. She tugged a little and Erik followed her back into their bedroom, trying not to glance back as he did.

“Again?” Magda said quietly once she’d closed the door.

Erik sat down on the bed and put his head on his hands. The fear was receding now and he felt foolish. It always happened this way. It was ridiculous, irrational. Nina was _fine_. She was warm and she was safe and nobody knew who he was here so they wouldn’t hurt her for that. She was absolutely fine and it was ridiculous to wake up with his heart in his mouth because of a twisted set of what-ifs that he _knew_ weren’t true ...

Magda’s arms were gentle around his neck. He leaned against her shoulder, closing his eyes.

“She’s fine,” Magda whispered. “She’s is fine, Erik.”

He allowed the use of his real name, although even now, it sent a spark of fear through him. Nina was too old to hear her father called by two different names. It didn’t matter what it was late and she was sleeping, they had to be so careful or all those fears would become realities ...

No. No, they wouldn’t. He had to keep telling himself that. Nina’s life was not his. She was quite safe and he would take care of her, _could_ take care of her. She wasn’t in danger, not really. This was his paranoia, his wild fears breaking through to the surface.

“I know she’s fine,” he said tiredly. “I always _know_. I just can’t ... ”

He trailed off helplessly. How could he explain? His fears were irrational but also _real_. He came from places where children just died. Where you woke up and they had slipped away from cold or starvation or simply from exhaustion. It didn’t matter that he knew Nina was warm and sheltered and had never known a day of hunger. The fear overrode his knowledge, his logic. It burned within him until there didn’t seem to be anything else.

“I thought I was getting better,” he said.

Magda said nothing. She knew his struggles with this and was always patient. She had long endured waking in the night to find his fingers at her throat, almost compulsively checking her pulse. When he come to find her after only moments of being apart because the fear had struck, she had always simply smiled at him, taken his hand. The only time she had ever scolded him was when he kept waking baby Nina because he had to keep picking her up to check that she was still warm, still breathing. Had to _know_ because things just happened and Nina was so small, so precious ...

“I’ll stop,” he promised, hating that it wasn’t the first time that he’d said those words to her. “I’ll get better, I know she’s safe, I won’t do this any more ... ”

Magda kissed him. Her mouth was soft and kind. Erik kissed her back, marvelling that something this wonderful, this perfect could possibly be his.

“She is safe,” Magda whispered against his mouth. “She is safe and well and has a father that loves her more than anything in the world. She is so blessed, my darling one. And you will check on her until you know that you don’t need to any more and that’s all right and I will help you find your way.”

Erik closed his eyes, breathed in her scent. She understood. Magda had always understood, right from the first night that they’d met and she’d simply listened to him as he’d talked about his life. She would stand by him and look after him when he needed it.

“I love you,” he said and she laughed softly then shoved him down onto the bed, tumbling down on top of him. Erik revelled in the feel of her body on his, every inch where they touched. The warmth of her, the _life_ of her. The soft curves of her flesh, the marks from bearing their daughter on her skin. He slid his hand into the hair between her legs and she moaned the way that she always did when he touched her like that. She touched him back, fingers moving over his chest, his sides, stroking over every scar without revulsion.

They made no fanfare of it. She pushed down his pyjama bottoms, he lifted her nightdress and they made love like that, her still on top of him, moving quietly together with the perfect knowledge of what the other wanted, what the other needed. They were one and it was wonderful and Erik looked up at his Magda and loved her with all his heart.

“Better now?” she whispered afterwards as she pulled him against her shoulder. 

Erik hummed agreement, wrapping his arms around her as he closed his eyes. He was safe. Safe and warm. His family, his wonderful family were alive and Magda was alive and would take care of him and their little girl. He would be afraid again, he knew that but he would defeat the fear in the end with their help.

One day, one day _soon_ , he would live without this fear. He knew that he would. And it would be wonderful.

He just had to trust.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Taste of Fear (Turn Back Time Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12056064) by [Unforgotten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforgotten/pseuds/Unforgotten)




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